The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
