did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
