turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My feet surprised me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
