Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
where are you?
Hypothermia
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
