I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
