So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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