do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
