Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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