ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
this just has baby written all over it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
