Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
