How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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