Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
