My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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