this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
