I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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