the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
