she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
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Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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