Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
