I cut my penus on the lid.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
