I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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