life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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