I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
