Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
jump out the window naked night went bad
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