I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
