ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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