she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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