he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
