I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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