This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
