The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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