dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
