Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
how drunk are you?
Several
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
