Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
