we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
