we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
