Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
