last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
