WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
