when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
