That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
