the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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