remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
