I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
