$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
