I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
