Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
