Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
