All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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