the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
