everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
