Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
