Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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