Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Enjoy the penises
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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